Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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