Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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