I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
