I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
