No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize