I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
