What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
