After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
