we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
