dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
