you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
