When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
