so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
