it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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