I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wish there were birth control emojis
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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