you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
