Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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