when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
