YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize