I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
