So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
