i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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