Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you would pick up someone in the library
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
