Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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