Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm like, not good at living.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize