I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
