sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
