Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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