I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
