My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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