I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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