I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
