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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???

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• (206): View more from Washington

  obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.

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• (530): View more from California

  And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?

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• (310): View more from California

  Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session

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• (518): View more from New York

  Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I just sucked dick on a ferry

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  My liver can't handle being unemployed!

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day

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• (+45): View more from Denmark

  Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??

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