I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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