I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
