how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
