This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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