My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
