But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
