Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
