Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's get the cat blown out
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize