Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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