And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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