We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
