Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
