need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
