Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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