I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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