This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
