All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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