Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
