Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
