aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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