I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
