none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
