I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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