Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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