the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
