At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize