you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
