then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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