If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
