i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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