his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He felt like a one man threesome
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
