I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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