it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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